the chair

My grandfather was not sleeping in his bed. There was a full moon outside. My grandmother had been gone a year already, so he found it logical to wait for death when the moon was full. He sat on an old wooden chair and waited quietly.

( a dream i had last night about my abuelo teodoro who lives in mexico)

Dreaming green and blue in the city of Portland.

Change

There is a song by The Cure, I can't remember the title, but it says something like this, the very first time I saw your face I thought of a song and quickly changed the tune. I live my life. I go to work. I wash the dishes. I feed my cats. I listen to the same song of my life every day, but when we visited Portland, Oregon last week, I also thought of a song and quickly changed the tune.

We visited Portland, Oregon. This is one of my favorite memories. More later.

After a graduation party I come home and watch vimeo

This is from Miranda July's blog ..........

The Hallway from The Hallway on Vimeo.

túnel

No se nada del tema “near death experiences.” Tampoco estoy segura que al morir caminaré dentro de un túnel donde una luz brillante me espera en el fondo. Sin embargo, me gusta la idea. La luz no me importa mucho. Ya viva he recibido varias promesas de cielo, paraiso, etc. Estoy cansada de promesas. Ayer recorde la pelicula, Millenium Mambo del director Hou Hsiao-Hsiens. La pelicula no tiene nada que ver con el tema de “near death experiences,” pero su empiezo me recordó a ese túnel que dicen nos lleva a la muerte. Me atrae la idea de caminar a mi muerte despierta y conciente de lo interno y externo, sin miedo, sin expectativas......sin resentimientos. No espero despedidas y encuentros con drama, pero si espero poder abrazar la vida por ultima vez y abrazar la muerte por primera vez. Quiero caminar con una sonrisa y dar saltitos contentos. Quiero levantar mis manos y pretender que son, no se, papel de celofán volando, quizas.

Creo que el empiezo de la pelicula de Hou Hsiao-Hsiens me da una idea de lo quiero.

old fashioned

I think I still have a foot in the 20th century and I’m far away from becoming a postmodern chic from the 21st century. After two or three hours on the internet I want to cut yellow lemons in half and sweep the geranium petals off my balcony floor, turn a page from one of my many unfinished books, sing a Christmas song (even if it’s May), take a photograph of something dull, but beautiful…………………