There is a song by The Cure, I can't remember the title, but it says something like this, the very first time I saw your face I thought of a song and quickly changed the tune. I live my life. I go to work. I wash the dishes. I feed my cats. I listen to the same song of my life every day, but when we visited Portland, Oregon last week, I also thought of a song and quickly changed the tune.
No se nada del tema “near death experiences.” Tampoco estoy segura que al morir caminaré dentro de un túnel donde una luz brillante me espera en el fondo. Sin embargo, me gusta la idea. La luz no me importa mucho. Ya viva he recibido varias promesas de cielo, paraiso, etc. Estoy cansada de promesas. Ayer recorde la pelicula, Millenium Mambo del director Hou Hsiao-Hsiens. La pelicula no tiene nada que ver con el tema de “near death experiences,” pero su empiezo me recordó a ese túnel que dicen nos lleva a la muerte. Me atrae la idea de caminar a mi muerte despierta y conciente de lo interno y externo, sin miedo, sin expectativas......sin resentimientos. No espero despedidas y encuentros con drama, pero si espero poder abrazar la vida por ultima vez y abrazar la muerte por primera vez. Quiero caminar con una sonrisa y dar saltitos contentos. Quiero levantar mis manos y pretender que son, no se, papel de celofán volando, quizas.
Creo que el empiezo de la pelicula de Hou Hsiao-Hsiens me da una idea de lo quiero.
I think I still have a foot in the 20th century and I’m far away from becoming a postmodern chic from the 21st century. After two or three hours on the internet I want to cut yellow lemons in half and sweep the geranium petals off my balcony floor, turn a page from one of my many unfinished books, sing a Christmas song (even if it’s May), take a photograph of something dull, but beautiful…………………
I'm envious of V's ability to write daily. V always has something to say. Of course, V tells me that the daily writing is a recording of the day, a way of saving our experiences and events. I don't want to forget the day either, but somehow, i can't sit down to "record" the day.
Today while I was at Blockbuster video, I found a film that I'd seen in the 1980's, I've heard the mermaids singing. It isn't the kind of film that wins awards, but it brought back memories of my life I had at that time. I think I was 19 years old when I watched the film and somehow it made me feel less ashamed of riding my bike and dreaming.
It is okay for me not to write, but I wonder what memory, the film Twlight will bring in 20 years?