Tuesday, March 16, 2010


The last time I went to confession was in 1989. I was still a Catholic. I told the kind priest that I had committed a plethora of sins and that I didn't regret 99% of them. He laughed and told me: Come here, my child.

(Mactans wrote my name on the confession list. I won't clip the "cute" mantelito.)

This is my confession:

1. I'm a Muslim in the mornings, but I don't pray to Allah. Walk with me at sunrise and you'll see what I mean.

2. I'm the "family Christmas asshole." My intolerance for hypocrisy gets me in trouble every year.

3. I wish philosophy were my porn and poetry my bread and butter.

4. In my next life I want to be the sound of a jarana and the zapateado on a tarima.

5. I suffer from panic attacks when I drive on those California highways. Strangely, I can drive around the city without problems. I refuse to take drugs for my panic attacks.

6. I stopped writing years ago because I had nothing to say, and when I did have something to say, I said it with my middle finger.

7. I was a homeless person in Los Angeles/Long Beach area many years ago. The strange voice of this singer (from Smithsonian Folkways) reminded of those nights without a bed.

I am Muslim in the morning, but I don't pray to Allah.


  1. Don't stop writing!!! I also hate Christmas, I try to leave the country during those days, indeed.

  2. Hi Trying:
    I read attentivly, your confessions.
    One question (sorry, there is always a question with me):
    You're not Muslim, but do not pray to Allah.
    Ok. It's because you wash in the morning? You clean, shower or wash your hair and you feel purified?

  3. I'll try... but I don't know if I'll have the courage... my sins don't like to take a walk outside

  4. The song is like a pray.
    Your confessions are great.

  5. Carolina:
    I won't stop writing. I like the idea of leaving the country for Christmas.

  6. Mr. Crónicas:
    I don't like labels, I'm surprise I gave myself a label. Yes, I take a shower every morning, but that is not the reason I feel like a Muslim. There is something beautiful at sunrise when I walk to work. It brings me temporary peace. By the way, I'm a buddhist in the afternoon.

    Actually, I like to study religions. I'm a religion whore (traditional religions). If I had time and money, I would work on a doctorate's degree at UC Berkeley in Religious Studies. But, going to Buddhist meditation retreats is more realistic at this moment.

  7. Canto de caza:
    Expose the sins that need fresh air.

    I was not crazy about the idea, but I was inspired by one of Carolina's last posts, "cifras."

    We should do something with our sins once they're out. Burn them? Throw them in the ocean? Sing to them?

  8. implicada:
    Gracias...estoy de acuerdo, la canción es como un rezo.

  9. oh, now I see... all my sins have wings (sorry for the silly rhyme)... i'll try to send them free

  10. Could I be a muslim too?
    Nah, I feel more like a Buddhist.
    Or an atheist. No! Polytheist (sometimes I wonder why has more value one god than another). I don´t know. I confessed the last time in 1991. I took good care not to confess those things I wasn´t thinking on quitting.
    For a moment I wished you wrote more, but it´s not true. It´s so beautiful how you are direct, and concrete, and poetic and all. Keep it.

  11. Hi Trying:
    Sorry, I understand now what you said about the subject.

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  13. When I was younger, I also went to confess my sins.
    I felt really relieved...

    Eventually I understood that the sins don’t exist…

  14. Hi...
    First of all, I want to apologize because I didn't show up for a while... But you know, I always carry you on my heart.

    The second thing is: I want to apologize because I'm not posting a comment, but asking you for permission to translate this post into Spanish and publish it on my blog. And I will do whatever you want in exchange :_)

    I let a big hug for you

  15. Mr. Crónicas:
    I did not take it as an insult. Promise. I understood. I like the idea of purification, any ideas on how i should purify the self?

  16. Ms. Beatriz.....

    my sins are my bad choices....or good choices :)

  17. Noemi:
    Sure, you have my persmission translate it into anything :)

    No favors in return. To have no wants is divine....i think :D

  18. Your self is already purified and divine... So it doesn't matter if you want something... I think ;)

    Pd) You feel muslim in the morning though you don't pray to Allah, because you are looking in the sun rise, to the east, right where the Mecca is... That's my theory :D